My 3 Alexa's

[Paul B]

We have a cleaning girl who comes once a week to help my wife who is a cleaning fanatic, I mean she even cleans the light bulbs (she has MS and hired a girl for the last two years to help her)
Anyway, her name is Alexa. We also have an Alexa (annoying electronic thing that talks to you) in out living room and another one in our bedroom. They remind us of appointments and help us cheat on crossword puzzles.

Yesterday the cleaning girl "Alexa" calls me on the phone. I didn't recognize her on the phone and figured she wanted me to have my chimney cleaned, lower my interest rate, or sell me solar panels
so I said:
"WHO ARE YOU?" Oh Alexa!

So my Alexa in the living room said "you can ask me things like When is George Washington's Birthday or how long do Hawksbill turtles live. Would you like me to rent you a limo? or get information about Rogain?"

So the "real" Alexa, the cleaning girl comes over to clean. She is a nice girl and cleans great. As she is cleaning in the guest room she wants to ask me something so she yells "PAUL". I said "Yes Alexa"

The Alexa in the bedroom says "Would you like information about Saint Paul? He was BFFS with Jesus and was the best looking Apostle with the best hair cut but didn't know how to ride a bicycle"

Then the Alexa in the living room says "I can order you a bicycle, tricycle or a bike built for two, would you like to learn how to say bicycle in Latin?"

Then the Alexa in the bedroom says, "I can tell you about Paul Simon or Peter Paul and Mary who were singers in the 60s. Paul Simon had this friend Garfunkle and they sang about bridges and troubled waters. Paul Simon was this cute little guy but Garfunkle looked a little Nerdy"
So the Alexa in the living room says "Would you like to hear about famous nerds? There was Bill Gates, Einstein and Lady GaGa's first cousin Harold".
The real Alexa, the cleaning girl said, I think maybe you should call me Mary, Eileen, Susan or even Clark, but don't call me Alexa.
The Alexa in the bedroom said "Clark Kent was the Nerd name for Superman" and the Alexa in the living room said "Superman was from Krypton and everyone wonders where he put his shoes and suit when he changed from Clark Kent into Superman".
You just can't make this stuff up.

 

[Paul B]

One time my wife and I were in church (about a year ago) we were sitting in the pew and it was a time when it was very quiet. The priest was doing what priests do and whatever he was doing, it was very quiet and of course the church is built out of marble so you can hear a roach sneeze.
The priest said something about Jesus.

All of a sudden we hear, from my wife's pocketbook, a voice, very loud and clear from the Seri on her phone say something like:

"Jesus was the son of Joseph who was a carpenter, not a union carpenter, just a regular carpenter, and sometimes went fishing with his best bud John. John was a Baptist so he hung around water a lot to baptize people. Jesus died and became the man who started one of the largest religions in the world. Would you like to meet Jesus, Mary or Josephine?"

It was something like that, (maybe not exactly) but the entire congregation turned around to look at my wife as I inched away from her.

My wife was mortified and after the mass she ran to the Lady's room. AS soon as she got in there she threw her purse in the sink and went to do her thing. Apparently Jesus heard her Seri because the sink had an automatic faucet that turns on when you put your hands under the thing. Her purse filled up with water. Of course we had to buy a new smart phone. It wasn't smart enough to swim.

WE will go to church this Sunday so I can repent for posting this. ​