my world crashed

[puffer036]

A few days ago, out of the clear blue, my wife of 16 years told me that she no longer loves me and asked me to leave. It was like she walked right up and kicked me in the groin. I still can't believe it and I am devastated. We have 2 kids (15 & 11) who also are very confused and sad. So I did as she asked and left to stay with friends. I couldn't even take my dog! She isn't home right now so I came back to get in some computer time and see my dog. To make a long story short, keep an eye on the for sale forum in the next few days for when I sell all of my stuff.(probably on Tues) I probably won't be back on line until Tuesday when ( get this ) she leaves for the Florida Keys with her girlfriends and I get to come back to the house for the week to be with the kids. What a bite in the ass! Anyways, look for my thread selling all my stuff. I will probably need to ask for cash and carry since I really don't have the means to ship right now and can't properly care for my tank now. I'll be offline now until tues. so I will miss anyone posting back to me but I appreciate any thoughts or words of encouragement. Thanks!

 

[Absinthe]

I know you dont know me and Ive never been through a similar experience so I really dont have much advice.

But feel free to post here and vent. I can promise you I will be listening.

 

[mikem]

Sorry to hear this. If theres anything I can do to help LMK

 

[JohnS_323]

Wow! Sorry to hear that, man. I haven't been through it either so I can only image how shaken and confused you and the kids must be.

Like Absinthe said, we're listening. Vent away and let us know if there is anything we can do to help out.

 

[Carlo]

I have been through it, although it's different for everyone. I was married for 11 years and we were together several years before that. My kids were 9 and 8 at the time of the separation. Best "advise" I can give you is to try and be as "level headed" as you can be and control your anger around her and the kids for starters. Don't say or show actions in front of the kids that shows her to be in the wrong. These type of actions will surely come back to bite you in the butt later.

You never know what is going to happen. She may just need a little break, she may be thinking divorce, you just don't know. Try and be as understanding as you can under the circumstances but try not to say or do anything you will regret later. Remember you have kids involved and you both have to make them the number one priority going forward.

Like I said earlier it's different for everyone but I can tell you in my situation I too was devastated and tried to hold on. Once I really sat down and thought about things I realized we had grown apart and the "real" bond between us was the kids. My Ex moved back to her home town of Bordentown and I moved into an apartment for a year. After the first couple of months apart we started to communicate very well as we both felt more comfortable knowing the other person wasn't out to mess up our lives. I just recently moved to her home town (we talked about it) and have the kids everyday after school as well as every other weekend. Because we were able to be civil and "talk" without putting blame on the other person we are know both very happy and the transition was as smooth as possible for the children.

Kids are pretty tough and will survive. The key is for you both to sit down and discuss the kids between the two of you and work out the details. You need to be supportive of each other and not make the other out to be a "bad guy". If you both stick together on the upbringing of your kids and communicate on their behalf the kids will be fine.

My Ex is now my best friend as funny as that may sound. If I had handled the divorce the way most of my friends did I'm sure we would hate each other now. I bit my tongue a lot in the beginning and was almost passive at times (not my style) but now I'm glad I was like that.

If you ever want anyone to talk to let me know,

Carlo

 

[kathainbowen]

So very sorry. *hug*

Here's hoping everything works out for you. I'd offer to help move stuff, but I have the world's tiniest car. However, if there's anything we can do, let us know.

 

[momof6kids]

So very sorry to hear this. I can't imagine going through what you are right now. Try to keep the lines of communication open for your sake as well as your children.

 

[malulu]

very sorry to hear this... please continue to post your progress, we would like to help if you need anything...
best regards,
-David

 

[Phyl]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can't imagine going through that after being together for so long. If there's anything you need holler. We're hear to lend an ear, or a hand.

 

[puffer036]

Well, I am back in the house with my kids for a few days while my wife vacations in Key West ( isn't that special) I posted alot of stuff in the for sale forum. Need toget rid of everything as soon as possible. I'm not sure what wonderful surprises life has in store for me next week after she gets back. : What she doesn't know is that while she is layig on the beach, I am researching and strategizing. I may have a few surprises for her. Well, I am mentally and physically exhausted so I will be signing off now. Stay tuned for the further adventures. I'll keep you all posted. Thanks for all of the support. By the way, I found out that she has been seeing another man. I'd say that gives me a little leverage. HEHEHE! ;D

 

[concept3]

I feel your pain, and I'm so so sorry to hear that, it made my situation sound so menial as I'm not married and have no kids. I was with someone for almost 7 years with marriage this September 23rd and she said the same exact words and left me where I stood. Same thing, come to find out she was already with someone 3 weeks later..... which ended up not working out anyways LOL

This club has been awesome in the support and communication that they have given me, my best advise is keep your head up, think and re-think twice and maybe even three times before you do anything. I believe in this thing called Karma, and I know Karma believes in me. Things happen for a reason, and it will make you stronger in the end once you understand the reasons for it. I was almost contemplating in breaking down the tank, but I really think it helped me heal as it kept me consoled and relaxed when I needed it.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me, I'd like to be there for someone since everyone was there for me.

This club us great!

 

[puffer036]

Merv, Thanks for the words of encouragement. I too believe in Karma. I think that someday( maybe a month or a year) she will regret the decisions that she has made. I was an emotional basketcase for the last couple of weeks but now I am getting my head together and I am getting stronger everyday. It took a little while for reality to set in but now I see that things will never be the same. Now all of my energy is being directed towards the kids because they are the ones who are going to suffer the most and they certainly don't deserve it. My life, at least for now, belongs to them. Thanks again. I will let you all know how things go in the coming weeks.